Originally Posted by Burlex of Ascentemu.com
Well, as many of you know, I made a post a couple of days ago about taking a short break to regroup. Since cooling down a little, I have really had a clearer mind to think things through. This is a pretty hard post to make, and I typically by nature do not like talking about my feelings, but I also think that because I am that way, I have not been true to myself.
I have worked for over two years straight on Ascent. None of you have any idea how many hours and sacrifices I have made to build it. When Ascent went public, I was a different person than I am now. Antrix was a “work of heart” I was proud of my work, and ready to share it with the rest of the WOW community. All went well for a while, and I built some relationships through it that I would not trade for anything. Recently though, it has become a “work of hurt”. While I know that many of you in this community really do appreciate the emulator and the work I do on it, there are many who don’t. All they want is my blood sweat and tears to run their own servers and those same people publicly attack me and my life and are ruthless in the way they go about it.
I have never claimed to be perfect, and there are things in my past and present that I wish here different about my life. For people who are more than ready to hit the download button on the SVN, they sure do try and make me feel like I am a piece of garbage and that I am a failure. This is just the maturity level and mentality of many of the people who run servers nowadays, and there is nothing I can do to change this. I have tried with failing results (albeit maybe not with the best methods, I'm sure some of you remember all the drama last year, while we were still under the Antrix name, and just recently as well). My sanity rest on my ability to protect myself and stand up for myself and my rights. This is what I am doing now. I have to take a break from the Ascent community. Many of you say “well let someone else run it”. That is like me asking you guys to let someone else come into your house and run it and take care of your family. You would have no idea what they would do to it or how bad they could hurt it. They could hurt your family to a point that it was unrecoverable. That is why I can’t do it with Ascent.
One area that I failed big time at was really explaining to all of you how bad things have gotten. Many of you just assumed that I was being a baby and reacting to people flaming me when I closed the SVN before. That is far from the truth. I have dealt with Xudd making fun of my education, my life, and my character with statements like this; "dont patch to 2.4 because burlex is a selfish loser who dropped out of school because he fails and lives off those wowscape idiots". I worked on Ascent (as wowd) for around 1 and a half years, without earning a single cent off it. So those of you who are saying I do things only for money (cough wcell team) are completely wrong. I mean shpash, I live at home, I don't have bills to pay, I do this out of my free time.
I have really gotten sick of hearing that judgment calls that I have made to close it were attempts to boost WoWScape. WoWScape is my home no doubt, but no offense to any of you, they don’t need to have you guys not updated to grow the way that they do or to keep the number of players that they have. Even since releasing 2.4, they have continued to grow everyday. The reason that I am so loyal to them, and the reason that I will continue to be part of their ownership is because I have true friends there that value me and my work. Those are the people that keep me working on this code base every day. Not the community here that continues time and time again to hurt me. Now, true, I have some very valuable friends here, however it just isn't enough motivation for me to continue working with everyone still throwing crap at me.
I asked Peyton if she cared if I posted part of a conversation that we had to show you guys what I am talking about.
Burlex says:
we're lucky to have someone like you
Alyson / Peyton says:
well i am the one who is lucky
Alyson / Peyton says:
you have just been an answered prayer to me
Burlex says:
how so?
Burlex says:
i mean theres other people out there that can do everything i do ;p
Alyson / Peyton says:
nah
Alyson / Peyton says:
they don't have your heart
Alyson / Peyton says:
and you are a genius
Alyson / Peyton says:
but more then that you have just been a friend that i love and that i would do anything for
Alyson / Peyton says:
that is the most important part
A lot of you will say that I "sold out", or just "do it for money", but that isn't the case. And that is simply the truth, there is nothing more to it than that. WoWscape/Peyton don't ask me to stop working on stuff, or to keep 2.4 private. I did that out of my complete and utter own free will, because of the way people were treating me. The fact that they got it was because they were my biggest supporter, both emotionally and in the sense of bugfixing, and the only ones I could trust. The reason the server gets to the point it is today is very much because of that community. They're my first point of testing, if there is a large problem they'll tell me so I can get it fixed. Stability for example, is only because of those servers that its reached the point it is at today, and continutes to get better. By attacking them, you are attacking the whole server software itself. Nobody has a community as large as theirs (in the wow private server world), so it is and will remain to be the best grounds for testing the server software.
It has gotten to the point that I don’t like coding for Ascent anymore to release to public because I know that my work is going to the servers who personally attack and try and hurt me. The people who support those servers and play on them and are keeping them up and running are the ones hurting the community and themselves. In trying to give people the benefit of the doubt, I assume that if they would stop and think for just one minute about how wrong it is that they are playing on my emulator but supporting and keeping up a server who attacks me and my friends, that they would snap to their senses and move to a server that actually supports this community. There are plenty out there for them to choose from and until the player base can do this, I have to stop spending pretty much my entire life right now coding Ascent.
How can you help the damage that has been done? Get the word out there that we need to rebuild the emotional support for Ascent. That means not supporting the servers who care less about it and only want what they can get from me. That means getting the word out for the players who play on these servers to find a new home to play on. Like I said, there are many to chose from that don’t attack the very hand that feeds them. This is not going to happen overnight but I won’t lose hope that it will happen, hopefully. Will I continue working for Ascent in the future? I do have hope that will happen. But as of the moment I have reached the breaking point.
I really do hope that all of you will not just freak out right now thinking about how this will affect your servers, and will think about me and what all of this is doing to me.
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